


the way you know me

by hoodiestrings



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009, 2012, Dan's Book, Fluff, Jamaica, M/M, Over the Years
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-15
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:27:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26481154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hoodiestrings/pseuds/hoodiestrings
Summary: Phil has never been a man of words.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 33





	the way you know me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [callumsvoid](https://archiveofourown.org/users/callumsvoid/gifts).



> okay, a couple of things: 
> 
> (i) new fic style please be gentle
> 
> (ii) i didn't include the time dan uploaded BIG. i was planning too, but it seemed too personal, you know what i mean? 
> 
> (iii) basically, i was sick of people expecting phil to make some big declaration about dan or something. he is a very subtle person and i kind of relate to him. so i wrote this fic based on that. not saying he is like this in real life, this is just an interpretation and in no way the truth
> 
> (iv) i wrote this in one ago and it's not beta'd at all or edited by me. i am so sorry in advance for all the mistakes

Phil has never been a man of words.

-

2009, and Dan is met with open arms; Phil doesn’t let go until an angry business shoves them aside. 

“Holy shit,” Phil says, one arm still around him. The other is pressed against his cheek, knuckles tapping, making a rhythm. “Holy shit,” he repeats. He is grinning so big, and so is Dan. 

He doesn’t say much but Dan sees him glancing towards him ever so often.

“I can’t believe I am finally here,”

Phil smiles, blushes, then looks away.

-

Autumn comes, and goes. They go to a YouTube gathering in London. It’s big, and Dan has barely uploaded two videos. But people still recognize him. It warms his heart. A little bit. 

Phil loops his hand around his waist halfway through. It’s familiar and grounding. They walk away from the crowd. Phil looks nervous, like he did on the Manchester Wheel just weeks ago. Like he wants to say something. Like he’s holding back.

Maybe.

“I’m hungry,” Dan says.

But Phil tightens his hold, “Dan,”

And when Dan turns around, he kisses him.

-

Phil doesn’t say anything, not really. Not until it’s December and they are laying on the snow, side by side. The abandoned hospital looms over them, dark and scary and a dirty green. 

The stars look so far away, from where they are.

“Dan,” he says, runs his finger on the snow.

_‘I love Dan’_

Dan beams.

-

They make love in Jamaica. Phil holds his hand and doesn’t let go.

Not till the morning.

-

2012 is not a good year. Dan is scared and alone. And Phil is scared and alone too. And both of them, Dan and Phil, Phil and Dan, are too stubborn to talk. They take turns, it seems, getting mad. And they rant about each other to their friends, each time. They just move in circles.

Dan falls asleep on the couch in their lounge, one night, headphones still on his head and laptop opened in front of him.

He jolts awake - no, a tiny hum, a gentle hand running through his hair. His headphones are no longer there, and his laptop is shut. There are lips on his forehead and a blanket around him, trapping the heat inside.

He bursts into tears, suddenly. He is embarrassed. And a little confused.

But Phil -

Phil, he kisses his tears away.

-

There are screams, louder than Dan has ever heard before. He could feel the giddiness in the room. The excitement. The anticipation. He feels giddy too.

He makes a joke about his self-esteem. Typical. 

But then Nick Jonas hugs him, his body fitting against his, and he couldn’t think for a moment. But when he could, all that flows around in his mind, like a repeating chant is: _I’m hugging Nick Jonas, I’m hugging Nick Jonas._

“Okay,” Phil laughs, behind him. Phil, his Phil. “Let's stop before the fanfictions start writing themselves.”

Once they move to the backstage, Phil grabs his hand. 

When Dan looks at him, he just smiles. A little strained, but still a smile.

-

“Hello,” she cries, brown curls hanging loosely around her face. She reminds him of himself, when he was younger. “Hello, you have helped me so much, thank you - thank you so much,”

Phil looks a little choked. 

They hug her in turns, tight to their chest. 

“We’re so proud of you. You are brave. Very brave,” Dan tells her. He means it. He does. 

When the meet and greet ends, they are backstage, but Dan is still thinking about the girl. 

Phil sees; he somehow always does. He sees inside his mind, and picks away his thoughts. They are here, Brighton, and there are hundreds of people out there waiting for them. It’s _their_ show. It’s - 

Phil brings him to his chest, his arm around his waist, palm against the back of his head. Steady. Dan could hear his heartbeat. It’s pushing against his ribs. Just a little bit.

He closes his eyes, and thinks, dimly: _he hugs me differently._

(He does)

-

“The tweet is up,” Dan breathes out. The streets are empty outside. _Good,_ he thinks, absent-minded, _we’re in the middle of a pandemic._ He continues pacing, tapping on his phone. They are so supportive, always receiving him with open arms. 

“Dan,” Phil says, catching his arm “Put your phone down. Stop stressing.”

“But -”

“Dan.” he repeats, sternly this time. 

“Okay,” he exhales, nodding his head “But Phil, just a minute. There are so many replies and -”

Phil smiles. His eyes crinkle in the way they do when he is proud and ridiculously, ridiculously happy. “They’ll be okay without you for a few moments,” he is prying away his phone “Dominoes?”

“Please.”

“I’m proud of you, you know,” he calls out, “And I love you. You have come so far and you are so passionate about this book.”

Dan looks down at his hand, and thinks about the time Phil read the final copy for the first time, the way he kissed his forehead, his cheek, and gathered him up tight in his arms.

Phil has never been a man of words.

Dan smiles.

“I know,”

He does.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed!
> 
> UPDATE : so an amazing friend of mine (@howellovebot) wrote a companion fic to this one called 'the way i know you'. it focuses on dan and is absolutely beautiful ! please go give it a read !!!
> 
> https://archiveofourown.org/works/26493346


End file.
